hanging with the douchebags

I have had a life-long abhorrence for attention-seeking behavior. Or to be more specific, attention-whore behavior.

Now, as an actor and musician, I clearly engage in some attention-seeking behavior of my own, admittedly. But I don’t think I am being hypocritical if I specify that the type of behavior I am talking about is unwarranted attention. (See ‘The Hills.’ See Balloon Boy. See virtually any so-called reality show.)

Perhaps it is the humble Midwestern roots, but ever since I was a kid, I have always found myself annoyed by whiny, tantrum-throwing, graspingly spotlight-grabbing people. There is, to me, a clear desperation of a certain type of person who is not sincere in what they are trying to say, but rather simply seeking to be the center of attention. And--this is the important part--for no good reason.

If someone is playing music on a stage, or acting in a show, or even telling a story in a bar, it makes perfect sense to me to pay attention to them. What I’m talking about is people vying for attention that they do not deserve.

So, to borrow a concept from Bill Maher, I have a new rule for us to ponder. It is a direct result of the White House gate-crasher story, the latest attempt by talentless assholes to grab the spotlight in an attempt to secure themselves a place on a reality show (I mean, really?!? That’s the big goal for these human fart-bubbles? To achieve the fame of a Kardashian or a Ray J or a Tila Tequila?? How…utterly…depressingly…sad.)

My new rule is this: anytime news people refer to someone who is an ‘aspiring reality show participant,’ or whatever phrase they use for these alleged humans, they should be required to use this phrase instead: ‘douchebag.’

Here’s an example: “The Salahis, who are aspiring reality TV stars, made news when they showed up at Tuesday's state dinner.” (CNN)

Would instead read: “The Salahis, who are douchebags, made news when they showed up at Tuesday's state dinner.”

Here’s another: “Like Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the socialites and Real Housewives of D.C. aspirants who swanned into the White House on Nov. 24, you do doughnuts on the lawn of notoriety and smack head-on into the tree of shamelessness.” (Time)

Would read: “Like Michaele and Tareq Salahi, the socialites and douchebags who swanned into the White House on Nov. 24...”

This, I think, might do something to discourage this douchy behavior, or perhaps even these douchy aspiriations. If we all acknowledged the truth--that reality show stars are themselves no-talent douches, and therefore that anyone who was striving, nay, burning with desire to become one of them must be an uber-douche--then we might steer some impressionable children away from this type of douchy lifestyle.

Here is an appropriately outraged article on the latest douchebag thing.

a brit's take on US news

I had never heard of this guy before running across this vid which I found originally on Digg, but he's got it dead-on. His name is Charlie Brooker, and he apparently has a show called 'Newswipe.'



He starts with a few slaps at an infamous clip where an anchorman is squabbling with a field reporter during a live segment, and one particularly self-righteous Keith Olbermann clip (yes, as much as I love the guy, and as many times as he nails it in the seething rage department, he also goes overboard sometimes, I admit).

But then Brooker moves swiftly into the really, really funny territory: you guessed it, Faux News.



I don't know why I hadn't thought of this one before:

"To a dumb foreigner like me, all the Fox News anchors look like characters in some 80s frat-house comedy."

Sean Hannity as the 'uptight jock bully..with his whiny peevish demeanor;' Bill O'Reilly as the 'disapproving high school principal;' Glenn Beck as 'the wacky neighbor from a variety sit-com...'

Very funny stuff, and worth watching on a rainy Saturday morning. :)



Hey, just FYI, (and only if you feel like it) but if you read this space regularly, or irregularly, as I would imagine most of my friends do, lol, drop me a comment as to whether you would prefer more political stuff, personal stuff (i.e. random ramblings, pics, etc.) funny stuff found on the web, or more of my fiction. As I look back on my posts I realize that a shrink would have a field day with how all over the place I am with my posts.

Schizophrenia, anyone? :)

Peace.

hot chicks with douchebags

AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!

This is too amazingly funny not to link to. So this one guy has a website, and now a book called 'Hot Chicks With Douchebags.' Which is funny enough in and of itself. But now, one of the douchebags -- er, alleged douchebags -- who appeared in the book has sued the publisher and author for libel, claiming that his inclusion in the book has resulted in his being subjected to

"hatred, contempt, and humiliation" and has resulted in "friends, acquaintances, coworkers, employees, and strangers alike" calling him a "douchebag."

According to the smoking gun. Of course, no one bothered to inform this douche -- er, alleged douche -- that by filing a lawsuit he has done much to promote the sale of this book and publicize his own douchiness -- er, alleged douchiness.

That's him in the top picture, in which, according to the author, his

"popped-collar, spikey-haired presence was so far beyond regular douche, so far beyond uberdouche, he could spontaneously create a new element on the periodic tables--Douche Nine."

Even though the lawsuit is being filed in a Clark County (Las Vegas) court, the website demonstrates just how lucky we all are to not live in New Jersey, home of douche clan. This is the swamp from whence these creatures crawl, spreading their douchiness leaving behind a snail-slime trail of hair gel and Axe. Can't wait to see how this case turns out -- wouldn't it be funny if the judge just said, 'Hey, dude, the author is right. You are a douche. Now get over it, or else flip that collar down.'

finally!

the springton institute for douchebaggery is here, to rehabilitate all those damn douchebags. from funny or die.


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