Johnny's Day at the Races

Oh my god. I don't normally like vids like this; reality is so depressing. But this is truly epic. This kid is drunker than you or I have ever been. I'm thinking he's lucky he wore dark pants, because with this little control over his body, there's no way he hasn't pissed himself. I plan to edit it and mix in "Flight of the Valkyries" or something like that.

It's only a scratch.

via fark.

Now, if anyone ever told you that the Irish weren't pure badass masculinity distilled, this is proof that you were lied to. Seems a fella in Dublin had his hand severed when he was attacked by a loon with a samurai sword. Did he react like you or me, and run whimpering to the hospital?

Nossir. He PUNCHED HIS ATTACKER IN THE FACE WITH HIS BLOODY STUMP.

Omigawd. Feckin' hell. I guess that's what Tullamore Dew will do for you. Another intersting note: the attacker had 31 priors.

And you thought you were a drinking champ. :)

spiderpig

Note to self: if you're wasted drunk and under arrest in the back of a police van after getting in a bar brawl, do NOT sing the 'Spiderpig' song from the Simpsons Movie to the cops. Oh, and perhaps don't call an officer a 'ginger' either. (A two-fer? Simpons reference and a South Park reference in one go?)

via fark:

"A man has been jailed for breaching the peace by singing Spiderpig from The Simpsons Movie at police officers.

David Mullen was sentenced to three months for the incident and calling an officer "ginger" in a police van."

The judge also admonished the 22-year-old for apparently drinking since he was only twelve. As this occured in Scotland, I assume the judge was disappointed the man hadn't started drinking at a younger age.

The man defended his actions by stating that he was only singing the song because it was the ringtone on his cell phone.

Good thing it wasn't 'Fuck the Police."