noises off 2

careful with that axe, eugene.

well, the first review is in on our play 'noises off,' and, i gotta tell you, this one is a relief. john moore of the denver post came and saw us last friday night and gave us three stars and pretty much across the board praise. he's always the reviewer that makes me most nervous, because he is tough, but mostly fair. that, and the fact that his paper is read by many more people than any of the other ones in the area.

i got a bad review from him in my first big show in fort collins, 'angels in america,' and the truth is it rattled me a little. ever since, i pick up the paper with a little apprehension when i know a review is coming out.

it's weird - even if you KNOW, for certain, 100 percent that you killed, that you OWN the role you're playing, that the audience connected with it, and that it was a good show, when it comes time to get reviewed, all the pathetic actor insecurity comes out. you start thinking about all the little fuck-ups, all the things you could have done differently, if only--in other words you get inside your head worse than chuck knoblauch trying to turn a double play.

and if you have an actor's version of 'the yips,' it's impossible to do anything genuine. it means you are up there, trying to play the part you've studied, and rehearsed endlessly, and thought about ad infinitum, and on which you've gotten feedback from your peers, your director, and maybe even an audience or two. but in the back of your head, you're thinking, 'oh, how is it going to look if i do that, or move over there, or say this line that way, or...'

in other words you become one step removed from your character, it is a phony mask you are attempting to wear, but one which fits badly. for me, the key to acting is not thinking.

there, i said it. it doesn't mean that great actors (and i do NOT include myself among them) are all idiots. it just means that the great roles you remember, the ones that really stand out as scary, or hilarious or just plain REAL, are played by actors who are able to shut off much of the clamoring that goes on inside all of our brains all the time. instead, playing their roles, they are able to simply be. maybe that's the draw for some of us who like to perform - it's an opportunity, if everything works out just right, to not only not be yourself for a little while, but also to have at least a chance of simply being there. without all the baggage and doubt, and insecurity - it's a moment when all the choices have been worked out for you, and all you have to do is follow the thread. you don't have to think about where to go, what the right thing to say might be... if it's done right, it's a chance to not only play someone else for a little while, it's a chance to BE someone else.

none of this is original thought on my part - check out a great book for more.

well, at any rate, hopefully that's just the first of many reviews, and i'm sure i'll hate some of them. :) we are definitely having fun, and the audience is too, so that's what really counts.

peace,
k