Tuesday, September 20, 2011

how batman eats a hot dog

So...this happened. When you're The Goddamned Batman, I guess shit just is naturally dramatic.

via but all over the place too.

the best pick-up line ever

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gingers got it tough

Poor little ginger seal. This guy was shunned--because he was different, they assume.

This seal was spotted on an island off the coast of Russia. They think it has its strange coloring as a result of heavy iron content in the surrounding area.

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The loneliest ginger.

Don't worry--the photographer who spotted him was with staff from a dolphinarium and they rescued the little copper-top.

Monday, September 19, 2011

orbiting earth

via via

This is amazing. A series of stills taken from the International Space Station as it orbits earth. Perspective, bitches.

jon stewart as michelle bachmann


Crazy eyes? I got yer crazy eyes right here.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Brock Sampson, grammar nazi

This is how I feel when people misuse 'your' and 'you're.'

And 'their' and 'there' and 'they're.'

Admittedly, that's like, five whole words you have to keep straight right there. Life can be tough without IRL autocorrect.

Speaking of.

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Go Team Venture!

an addendum to duckface post

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I'm afraid there's some truth here, ladies. So sorry.

Monday, September 12, 2011


Posted without comment.

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i love this country, but...

...I hate my countrymen.

To wit, this 290 pound gentleman who is suing White Castle because he can't cram his fat ass into their booths. (via via)

No, seriously, this is happening:

A 290lb stockbroker is suing White Castle because he says he can't fit it any of their booths. He says the chain promised to make the booths bigger and even showed him schematics of the new designs, but never made the changes.

"They're stationary booths," he told The New York Post. "I'm not humongous, [but] I'm a big guy. I could not wedge myself in."
Not only that, he sustained injury trying to squeeze his humongous corpus into a booth!!

The man said he hit his knee on the metal post underneath the table when he tried to sit down.

Extra for cheese?!?!? What, is this IRAQ? You bastards!

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White Castle management pointed out that the gentleman was offered a regular chair.

The lawsuit seeks damages and larger chairs.

White Castle, for their part, made an effort to ameliorate the man's suffering--by arranging to help make him even fatter (although they did add insult to injury as you will see):

Each of the three times in the past he filed complaints, White Castle offered him a free hamburger. However, cheese was extra.

le sigh.

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This is a new favorite site for me.

Book-a-Minute reduces all kinds of books from classics to sci-fi to modern 'literature' like 'Twilight' to a few lines at most in a hilarious way. Por ejemplo: (click to embiggen)

But wait! There's more:

I like also that they manage to make fun of the authors as well as the authors' fans at the same time. Here's a couple of examples:

And here's one of my favorite books and one of my favorite authors, Phillip K. Dick. I'm afraid they nailed this one, much the way The Onion nails newspaper writing, they are obviously fans of said authors and books, in that they understand them terribly well, like spouses understand one another.

And last but not least, as I am rehearsing The Joad Play, we have us some Grapes of Wrath.

Ouch. :D

Friday, September 9, 2011

this freaks me out--

--is that wrong of me?

I wonder if all my FB friends know that their phone numbers--and possibly all the numbers stored in their cell phone--are publicly displayed on their profile page, and possibly even alongside their name in their friend's contacts.

This article explained it pretty well: 

Facebook has a history of fishy privacy practices, so we're not surprised at its latest grab for user information. If you use a Facebook app on your cell phone, have provided your phone number to it for "increased security," or entered it into your profile under certain sharing settings, your data could be at risk.

Rumors abound that Facebook is now making public contact lists from smartphones that use Facebook Mobile. Although Facebook denies that this is true, a longstanding feature that syncs contacts from your phone to your Facebook account has been discovered by many. This means that Facebook has probably stored every number in your phone on a server somewhere.
The main thing that is for sure happening is that when people enter their phone number '...for increased security' the number is showing up in your profile. When you think of how casually we friend people we've just met, that's a bit disconcerting, IMHO.

As one guy wrote about this, even though I actually know a few of the people I'm friends with, I still don't think I'd hand out my phone number to hundreds of random strangers in a bar. Would you?

To remove you number go to profile > edit profile > contact information and delete it.

While you're at it, you might not want all 500 of your super-close friends knowing your address either.

But that's just me. I'm kinda paranoid like that, I guess.

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headshot final finalists

Opinions welcome!

when you see it...

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sin and its cure

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Can't sleep more than a couple hours at a time right now. Gonna go run and see if that helps.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

strangers wth candy

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Why O Why have I not watched this show before?

Best Stephen Colbert line: 'I know this is hard for you. It would be hard for me too if I broke up with me.'

Best Amy Sedaris line (so far): 'Nah, I'm thinking about pussy. Science fairs are for queers.'

ADDENDUM: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! another Colbert quote: 'I wasn't pushing you away. I was pulling me towards myself.'

Obama is the best Republican President since Lincoln

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O my yes. This is an outstanding screed by Tina Dupuy pointing out just how badly Obama and his corporate whore advisers have screwed the progressives who put them in office. Favorite passage:

President Obama has managed to quell all anti-war protests and even start a new conflict. That is surely to be the envy of any Republican president who’s ever served.

Guantanamo Bay? Still open. Osama bin Laden? Shot in the head.

Talk about getting 98 percent of what they wanted. If the GOP didn’t have to change their goal post so Obama could never score in their view – Republicans could be dumping Gatorade on Rush Limbaugh by now.

Read it--it sums it all up perfectly. As she says, given that the greatest Republican President since Lincoln is in the White House now, chances are a Republican will win in 2012.



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I think it's possible that this woman may literally be retarded.



I love it when the 'interpipes leak' (thank you boingboing) over into the real world.

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nasty-ass honey badger belle

Hey girl.

That's a wig, bitch.


accidentally like a martyr

'The phone don't ring

And the sun refuse to shine...'

I miss this guy, morose fucker though he was.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

hipster barista

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I knew him before his lattes went mainsteam. :D


united nations on the rocks

Zebra-infused vodka is delicious, by the way.

I think this is via reddit but it appears to be the work of someone here.



Poor Bob. Those thorns hurt.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

stupid head

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fuck yeah, twenty-something guy

But you still don't know the word 'millennia.' 

Or how to use spell-check.

Fuck yeah.


Wow. We've got a Mac fanboy here, methinks. From the endlessly hilarious Lamebook.

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headshots suck

The Insanity of Staring Deeply Into Your Own Eyes, Over and Over:

Here’s my account of getting new headshots taken by my friend Brian Landis (he prefers Lando Kalrissian) Folkins.

He would probably tell a very different story than the one I relate here. He would likely say something like, ‘Who is this tight-assed, tense bitch I thought I knew as an actor? Where is his swagga, the swag I know so well, because he was an obnoxious, outgoing DICK when I worked on ‘Bug’ with him...’

So that might be Brian’s story. You’ll have to check with him on that.

But, seeing as this is my blog, I will write my own story, thank you very much.

And this is how I remember it, and what I learned about myself upon viewing the results of our afternoon of ‘work.’

I only put quotations around that word because I had so much fun hanging with Brian that it didn’t seem like a chore at all. He has a pro photographer’s uncanny knack for instantly seeing when you’re phoning it in, or are thinking about something else, or are not engaged somehow with the camera. Calling me on my bullshit may have resulted in numerous giggling, grinning, unusable photos, but it also got me back in the game. You can see the light die in my eyes as I go away, and you can see it come back whenever Brian grabs my attention again.

Major props to you, sir.

I’ll take my kickback now, in the form of sixteen beers and shots. :-)

That said, the end result--which requires you looking at yourself and your own fakery and duplicity and bone-deep phoniness, broken only by the occasional odd, off-moment when the photog somehow catches you looking like YOU, and not some fake-ass, dead-eyed catalogue model--believe it or not, going over and over pics of your own face is disconcerting.

It is so disconcerting that I have compiled a list of Important Thoughts to help you understand what a weird thing getting your pic taken professionally can be. (FYI, I have taken artistic license here to post some of the more awkward and goofy-looking shots. Brian did a fantastic job, and I will be posting some of the finalists for my actual headshot on FB and probably on here very soon. There are a lot of excellent shots to choose from; just not in this post. :D Sorry, Brian.)

1) You spend your whole life worried that your teeth might be yellowed and coffee-stained. But WHY didn’t anyone tell me my teeth are crooked as a crack whore’s? Shiny-white though they appear against my farmer’s tan, I am a snaggle-toothed, Jewel-looking motherfucker.

2) Apparently, if anyone spends a couple hours with me, the vast majority of expressions they are going to see are going to be completely insane, buoyed by a smattering of squinty-eyed giggles, and one or two moments of normal-ish looks. Sorry about that, everyone who has ever known me.

3) To reiterate: 99 percent of the time, when I am not as dead behind the eyes as a Kardashian, or obviously and blatantly thinking about food, boobies, and/or beer, or all three at once, I am quite clearly a fucking dangerous psychopath. This is according to most snapshots of my face.

4) Crow’s feet? Really? Why didn’t anyone over the many, many years tell me to stop smiling so much?

5) When you try to open your eyes wider, it just looks freaky. ‘J. Dahlmer? Paging Mr. J Dahlmer, party of one...’


7) And seriously, I have FUCKING DUMBO EARS?? Why wouldn’t my good friends at least let me know, even in a mean-spirited way: ‘Hey, Brighton! Can we catch a lift with you? How? By Elephant Airlines, of course! Haha!’ or maybe, ‘Hey Kurt, put your ears away; here comes a Hindi. Ganesh might get jealous...’

Dumbo ears and crazy eyes all rolled into one bonus horror pic for you.

8) I suddenly have a tremendous amount of empathy for Michelle Bachmann. It’s really really fucking hard to avoid showing crazy eyes when a camera is pointed at you and you’re trying to smile.

9) Pro-tip for wide-shouldered, big-headed guys: chin fucking forward. You look like a sandworm or a particularly weird, ugly muppet with the guy’s hand way forward in your throat when you pull your chin back even slightly.


11) The other thing is I can easily identify the pics are those moments when Brian finally had to say, ‘breathe. Gotta breathe..’

12) And seriously, now, when did my left nostril drop down like half an inch?

13) Never knew until today that I am the Leather Muppet.

And there you have it. Have a good time, kiddies, getting your headshots done!

Me and this dog are separated at birth, I think.

More to come!

That's the idea...

Welp, my 'young' is lasting a long while anyway...

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...at least in my (ancient, doddering, alzheimer's-ravaged) mind, anyway.

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Conundrum


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Imagine how hard it is being one of us kids who don't play well with others--except briefly. :)