Friday, April 27, 2012

A Better Love Story

I just can't get enough of these.

Oh, Is That What We're Calling Them Now?

This came from failblog I think. Notice the tag attached to the front of her least it's not star-shaped?
'Evacuee' ... right. I gotcha.

And here's a bonus reference to descendents of those, uh, 'evacuees.'  :-)

 Check out the rest of Cyanide and Happiness' comics. He's hilarious and so, so very wrong.

Just perusing older 'Cyanide and Happiness' comics and came across this. :D

Thursday, April 26, 2012

McDonald's, immortalized

Okay, fast food-eaters. This should give you pause--I was about to say this should give you 'food for thought,' but after you see this you probably won't be hungry.

This artist, Ben Campbell has put together a show that touches on ancient Egyptian desire for immortality (through mummification and other rituals) and modern society, especially McDonald's. His reasoning is that ancient Egyptians tried to achieve immortality through building monuments to themselves like pyramids and through mummification, and in modern society we try to achieve immortality through constructing corporations and through celebrity status. Also:

3. McDonald's is highly representative of American culture, even iconic.
4. McDonald's food doesn't decompose if left to dry out. Seriously, just google it. As such archaeologists from the future will be digging this stuff up thousands of years in the future. Especially if something cataclysmic happens to our society.
So, what Campbell has done is construct displays including one featuring a McDonald's hamburger that is over a year old, and this, a mummy constructed entirely of McDonald's food.

Combining the  burgers with resin, Campbell has created sculptures that should last forever, as McDonald's uses so many preservatives in their food the sculptures won't decompose, at least not anytime soon.

And you're telling me you still eat this shit? On top of the 'pink slime' brouhaha a few weeks ago? Even more disturbing to me are people who still allow their children to eat this shit.

What, your six year old argued with you about where to eat dinner? He threw a tantrum when you wouldn't let him have McDonald's? Oh you poor thing. How could you possibly deal with that?

Would you let him play with a gun if he threw a tantrum? Or drive a car? You're SUPPOSED to make the hard decisions for your child because he's an idiot. But he's supposed to be an idiot, you're supposed to not be, if not for your own sake, then at least for his.

But if you feed your children McDonald's or any other fast food, I might be more likely to trust your kid's decisions behind the wheel than yours, because you are a moron.

At least when I was a kid, we didn't know any better. My parents still had an inkling that  McDonald's wasn't really good for you, or even really FOOD, and they limited the amount we could eat. But today, with information like this everywhere at everyone's fingertips, it is unconscionable that we still allow these places to do business and to market to kids, thus setting up their little addicts for life, much as cigarette companies try to do.

There's no way around it except pure denial: Adults who eat this garbage are just stupid; adults who feed it to children are stupid and neglectful.

via via

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Five Ways David Wong is Fucking Retarded

I’ve seen this article, titles 'Five Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women' shared around FB and I have to take major exception with the writer’s entire premise. It should more properly be titled ‘Ways Idiot Douchebags Have Been Trained To Hate Women.’ Let's have a look, shall we? Point by idiotic point.

5.) Men Feel They Are Entitled To Sex, And To Have A Beautiful Woman.

Uh, fucking WHAT? Unless you’re talking about the no-neck, date-rapist population of fraternity row, this is utter bullshit. Most men I know are very very very very grateful when they get laid. When they are in a relationship with a woman, most men I know do everything in their power to keep her happy because we know we are lucky to have found a woman who can tolerate us.

This doesn’t make us weak. It makes us human. We like to make those we like and love happy. Even my dog understands this basic tenet of friendship.

To say that because men in rom-coms always end up with a woman, all men feel we not only ought to end up with a woman, but that we deserve to is beyond asinine. By that logic, all women feel they deserve to be and should and WILL be swept off their feet by a dashing prince charming. The only women (and men) I know who believe in these fantasies are children, the Horribly Damaged and the Seriously Medicated.

Happily Ever After

4.) Men Are Trained To See Women As Decoration.

Apparently the premise of this one is that because advertising and movies use sex to sell their products, men are all equally shallow and judge women solely on their looks. Again, maybe this is true at Alpha Douchebag Delta, but for any man with any kind of socialization beyond being raised in a box in the backyard with the family dogs, this is ridiculous.

First of all, women are somewhere around, oh let’s say, half-ish of the population. That’s an awful lot of decoration. Yes, there are certain retrograde elements of our society who see women as less than human somehow, but THAT’S THEM. That’s not us. It’s certainly not all of us or anywhere near. To put all men in this box is as insulting and ignorant as when certain emotionally immature guys go around griping about how ‘all women are bitches.’ And it’s equally stupid and false.

Some of the strongest people in my life, people who I most admire and who have taught me the most are women--which makes sense, because again, women ARE HALF THE POPULATION.

And back to the first point, that women are judged on their looks. There is some truth to this. But we are all judged on our looks in this shallow, dumb age in which we live. To say this is only true of women but not of men is absurd.

We are all attracted to The Attractive. Get over it. Even infants are more drawn to good-looking people. Ladies, you may claim you’re the only ones who are judged on your looks next time you go out with a fat, ugly, pimply guy.

3.) We Think Women Are Conspiring With Our Boners To Ruin Us.

This is so fucking stupid I almost don’t have the heart to shred it.

After spending a meandering eight grafs discussing public masturbation, and guys who get their dicks stuck in pool filters and the like, Wong finally gets to what is apparently the real point of this one: that if men get a boner from looking at a woman’s cleavage, we blame the woman.

Um...what? Some childhood trauma at Grandma's funeral for Mr. Wong perhaps?

He then tries to back up this feeble and frankly weird point by pointing out that the bible story of the Garden of Eden has the woman ‘conspiring with a snake’ to bring man down.

Uh, again, what? What the fuck are you even talking about? This is something I don’t think anyone I know has even considered as even fleetingly true, that we've all been laid low by women's evil powers. Is this 1928? Are you Michael Shannon's character Agent Nelson Van Alden on 'Boardwalk Empire?'

Unless you are an emotionally stunted child-man who hates all women already, or an intellectually stunted religious freak who believes in the literal truth of the bible, you know better than to blame an autonomic sexual response on the woman you’re attracted to.

Fuck you. This is beyond retarded.

I love my boners. Often literally. Why on earth would I be angry at the woman who turned me on? Who GAVE me a boner? I mean, what an AWESOME thing to give someone! Could there be any better gift?

Men--real men, not the cartoonish examples of impacted, moronic masculinity this article seems to be conflating with actual human men--aren’t this fucking stupid. No one in real life is this stupid except David Wong and his frat boy buddies. And by the way, if your erections make you angry, you've got deeper problems than can be expressed in a Cracked article.

Yo, Adam, watch where you're waving that thing.

2) We Feel Like Manhood Was Stolen From Us and 1) We Feel Powerless

And here’s the kicker: we feel like it was women who stole our power and our manhood!!

Who’da thunk it?

These two are something about how characters on TV like Charlie Sheen’s on ‘Two and Half Men’ and Sterling Archer--or the title character from Wong’s books(!!!)--aren’t merely being dicks to everyone, they’re acting out what all men want to do. And how once we were able to pee anywhere we wanted, show our willies to people (when we were five or six) and how great it would be if the world was like the movie '300:' ‘...where everybody is shirtless and screaming and hacking things with swords.’

How when we were young and got in trouble for jumping off things and setting things on fire, it was women who took these pleasures away from us--somehow.

And here we come to the crux of Mr. Wong’s ‘argument’ (for lack of a better word, although ‘vaguely connected ramblings’ or ‘whiny diarrhea posing as words’ might be more accurate):

‘The result is a combination of frustration and humiliation and powerlessness...’

David Wong after getting turned down for a date. At least I assume this is him.

And this is really what this entire article is about: those men who feel weak and powerless and who blame women. They blame women for their own shortcomings, emphasis on ‘short.’

Sorry, Mr. Wong, I hate to break it to you and your meatheaded sympathizers, but your weakness, ineffectualness, and frustration with the life you have made are your own.

Actually, I suspect you are right, in a way--I suspect you have felt humiliated at the hands of women. But look at the construction of that sentence, versus the one you wrote above.

No one can MAKE you feel humiliated. No one can MAKE you feel powerless. No one can make you feel anything. Your humiliation and weakness come out of your own insecurities and all-around shitty character. Go back to the bar with your like-minded embittered friends and bitch about what a bunch of miserable bitches women are.

But in the future, please don’t bother writing about it; you’re giving real men a bad name.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Teenage Mutant Ninja Walkies

So what if Nick Park (of 'Wallace and Grommit' fame) had been given the reins of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake, instead of the execrable Michael Bay?

via via

Amateur Night at the Big Heart

This is such a great cast, and the show finally came together opening night. One of those where I think the leads just had to put down all the noise and the jabbering and the tension of tech week (and a really short rehearsal schedule) and let go somehow, to let the characters out. And it happened on Friday. We all just kind of relaxed into things, and the audience loved it. Here's the promo video, and a few of the cast interview videos they made to promote the show.

And I had really bad allergies at the time, so don't judge my puffy eyes.

Go to the Aurora Fox's youtube channel for much much more.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

cats in space

Okay, everyone turn off your computers. Cancel your high-speed connection. You no longer need it. These guys just won the internetz.

I give you 'Cats in Space.'

Combining the nerdiness of old school Star Trek with the 'awwww!' factor of i can haz cheezeburger, this is it. Game over, man.


(The dialogue gets a little thick sometimes, so pay attention.)

And the obligatory making-of video, which, frankly, is pretty annoying just due to the guy's voice. What do you expect--nerds, right? ;)


hungah games

And now you will too.

via reddit

kids today

And we had to walk those two miles uphill in the snow watching the pretty colors and fleeing from the swarms of bats and lizard-creatures.

Monday, April 16, 2012

bitches love books

I believe the proper method is by the scruff of the neck...

god is...good?

Seems to me that if God were really good (or real) he/she/it would have see that these people got enough of an education to know what carbon monoxide is and how it works.

via lamebook


Child Celebrities Opposing Kirk Cameron.

'Nuff said.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Thursday, April 12, 2012

the flux machine

These are really cool and creepy all at once. This guy Kevin J Weir takes old Library of Congress photos then makes weird gifs out of them.


They remind me a little of Terry Gilliam's old Monty Python animations, although he had to use painstaking cardboard cut-outs for his.

Television is bad for your eyes, kids.


Here are more of Weir's weird works.


ah, that's where billy corgin went

The singer for Smashing Pumpkins has a secret identity...

Monday, April 9, 2012


Well, apparently this story actually was reported in 2008, but it's too funny not to tell again. Seems a vicar reported to the hospital with a bit of discomfort. When they examined him, they discovered he had a potato lodged in his bum. But it wasn't there for creepy or sexual or creepy-sexual reasons:
A&E nurse Trudi Watson said: 'He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in he kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.

'But it's not for me to question his story.'
 Certainly not.  There's no commandment against hanging curtains naked. But anyway all this just leads to what I really wanted to post. This picture. You all know it's true.

I bet that tater changes his attitude after being up a vicar's bum. Smug little fucker probably deserved it.

story via 
pic via tumblr


What a weird holiday. I guess that's what you're going to get when you smash together two or three different traditions and try to make one thing out of them. The Urban Dictionary definition is as good as any.

He only gave your child those eggs to fatten him up.

2. Easter
April 8, 2012 Urban Word of the Day
The celebration in which juvenile primates hunt for the colored shells of unborn dinosaur young planted by a small, furry woodland creature all in commemoration of a middle ages cult belief that 2000 years ago a zombie walked the earth.
What's that screeching from the park? It's just the little kids looking for easter eggs.


Sunday, April 8, 2012

and for my passover-celebrating friends

They're not anti-gefiltefish; they just don't understand it.

It'd be a real mitzvah to get rid of matzoh.

your bullshit--

--i no haz time.


atheist's regret

I like too how these benches' legs are made of serpents or snakes or demons or something.

Opening Hours

or The Consistency With Which I Blog.

Aussies. They know how to live.