why? false heart 10

Okay. So, I hear the train signal sounding off in the distance, and I feel nothing. I barely think of it at all. This being Fort Collins, it is a pretty regular occurrence, and so maybe some of that is attributable to the frequency of the sound. But honestly, I think I have lost poetry in my soul. I think that if you can hear a train making that lonesome, plaintive sound and not even think about it without trying, then something has died within you.

Here’s the thing: and I need help with this. But please, understand that although I am from time to time, I don’t know, somewhat sardonic, I mean this with the utmost sincerity: ladies, and gentlemen, if you have any insight, share with me.

What is it about unavailability, or perceived unavailability, or potential unavailability that makes us guys so attractive to you ladies?? I am being completely serious, without any kind of sarcasm intended, because I want to know. Why is it that as soon as I have my heart set on someone I suddenly find myself nearly surrounded by … while not OFFERS per se, but let’s just say if I followed up on the signals I am seeing being thrown at me, well, my dick might not be dry for a week.

So, my theory has always been biological in nature: I believe that there is an animal part of women which can…I guess, smell or otherwise sense when a man has been, shall we say, successful with another woman in recent memory. And based on this odor--call it pheromones, or whatever (if you don’t like the idea of an odor tracking and determining our behavior, subconscious though it may be, then sorry, but in nature, other animals ‘see’ it this way) women judge a man to be either a positive or a negative. Because when you think about our biological imperative, we are built to reproduce, nothing more. And in nature--meaning, outside of human morals and whatnot--when an individual is successful at reproducing, i.e. when he has recently had sex with another woman, or seems to be the target of another woman’s interest, he becomes more desirable.

I think.

I mean, there is really no other way to describe what happens, at least in terms of my own experience.

Why do you all want me now? Now that I only want one. ??? And to top that off, one that seems most likely to end up unavailable to me as well.

Perhaps the human condition is simply this: not only do you have to live with the reality of ‘you can’t always get what you want,’ but also maybe ‘you want only that which you can’t have.’

How sad, if that is the case. Grass is always greener, indeed.

No wonder so many people believe in the prospect of heaven.