Friday, March 2, 2012

kenny powers, being a leader

Here's Mr. Powers' open letter to Tim Tebow. The lede:
As Yogi Berra famously said, "it's like Deja Vu came all over itself again."

It gets better from there, too. The helpful words of one gifted son-child to another.

You see, Gifted Young Athlete, people look at us and they see all they don't have. It's like, "homeboy's over there gettin' 'er done! And Jesus loves him too! Fuck that guy."

But can you really blame them? Wouldn't you be pissed?

I just recently caught up on "Eastbound and Down," and I'm wondering if the show ever was contacted by lawyers working for John Rocker, former closer for the Braves.

There are many, many similarities, from the racism, the arrogance, the 101 mph heater. (In looking up a link to some John Rocker info, I discovered that the retired pitcher is just as classy as ever--don't click unless you want to see his aged face hawking t-shirts that read 'Speak English.')

Although maybe the show's writers avoided that by employing the old writer's trick of attributing something so heinous to the character that the real-life guy would never publicly claim it was based on him.

The trick is you write a thinly-veiled character based on some real life person you hate, but then you give the character a tiny penis. No real life guy will go to court to publicly proclaim on the public record that he is in fact the owner of said tiny penis on which the character's tiny penis is based.

In the case of 'Eastbound,' Kenny Powers is a loser former star who loses everything due to his arrogance, snorts tons of coke, bangs skanky bar-whores, lives at his brother's house and, when he finally gets close to getting it on with his former girlfriend, he ignominiously comes in his pants.

Quoth John Rocker: 'Nope. That ain't me.'

But at least he said it in English...right?

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