Sunday, May 17, 2009

I'm totally stealing this guy's idea

Once again, Florida proves itself to be the vortex of all that is Weird and Wrong and Stupid about America. At least this guy has a sense of humor about it (via fark). Not only that, he's found a way to profit from his state's ever-burgeoning loony population:

'There are those who believe in the Rapture prophesied in the Bible. And there is Joshua Witter, avowed atheist.

They need each other.

At least some people think so -- those willing to pay Witter to be their post-apocalyptic postman, delivering cards and letters to their non-believing friends, relatives and neighbors who will be left behind when the Day of Reckoning arrives.'

Yes. Yes, yes, yes!

How indeed, once the Rapture arrives, are Christians going to be able to rub it in the faces of those who ridiculed them in this life? Granted, they will of course be able to look down from the clouds on which they will be living, their corporeal flesh raised up unto heaven, and laugh in schadenfreuderific delight as their friends, relatives, and neighbors are consumed in lakes of fire and have their limbs ripped off by the seven-headed beast. There will surely be heavenly television shows wherein unbelievers will be fodder for the derision of the saved--a lot like Japanese game shows, I would imagine.

But how can these pious winners truly lambaste the non-believer losers with a great big 'We're number ONE!' after said winners have already been taken up?

'Among the best sellers are the line of I-Told-You-So cards, which sell for $8.


Witter has read all the books of the popular "Left Behind" series, so he knows what to expect. Covered with boils, he will have to fight his way through perpetual darkness, clouds of insects, and meteors falling from the sky to deliver the mail.

"Your hope lies with me. I am your mailman," he vows. "I'll do my best come Hell or high water to deliver those letters."'

If you want a nice Christmas card for your sinful nephew or niece, or if you just want to posthumously rip an atheist a new one, go to Witter's site here.

I wonder if he might be up for a Colorado-based franchise?

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